Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
