I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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