i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
