I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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