This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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