Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
