it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
did you just send me my own nude
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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