I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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