you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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