Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
