"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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