FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
