I hate your face
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
