I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
