I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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