last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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