happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
