We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
