i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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