You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
