can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
