She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
