I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
