Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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