last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
