You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
