so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
