i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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