Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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