so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
