Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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