saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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