I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My bed smells like the plague
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
