Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
