They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
