Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
