At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
