dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
