so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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