I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
