I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
