Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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