wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
