It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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