Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"it" just moved
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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