there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize