I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
