So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize