I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
