I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
