next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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