Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
