i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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