The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
