yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize