im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
