Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
