Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
