dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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