I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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