Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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