you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
