would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
