we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
