bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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