Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
