After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Houston, we have a squirter
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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