I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
