I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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