I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
