bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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